Dissolving doubt.

You’re in your element. You’ve heeded the call. You followed your gut. And it lead you here.

You call the shots, and it feels good.

It does feel good, doesn’t it?

Things once pinned to your vision board now manifest before your sparkling eyes. Your creative sources are plentiful. Your muse visits you more and more frequently, bestowing brilliance + grand ideas.

The future is ripe with potential.

Golden opportunities are a knockin’.

You are smack in the centre of your universe.

You are the force. The gravitational pull.

Then this: a familiar old sensation swoops in and every fibre of your body freezes in response.

Doubt. Fear. Insecurity. Resentment. The gang’s all here.

Your mental choir pipes up: ”I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t”.

They sing louder and louder, deafening your truth. And feeling defeated you join the melancholic chorus.


 

image via @projekt_frankie (instagram)


Why am I starting this conversation? Because I feel that insecurity. And I know you do too.

I’ve surrendered myself to self-doubt more times than I’d care to admit. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve allowed the wet blanket of fear to put out my inner flame. Resentment has seen me distort my passion and warp my way of thinking. You too?

Another reason I’m bringing this all-too-common feeling to light, is because I wholeheartedly believe, as Richard Bach puts it, that ”We best teach what we most need to learn”.

A kick-ass photographer might be quietly thinking ”Where the heck are my clients?” when in fact she spends a huge chunk of her time teaching people how to use their camera settings. Her calling is in the teaching.

I know many Personal Trainers wondering why their schedules aren’t packed full. The bedrock of their client relationships is the way they coach their clients to reframe how they approach exercise and their bodies. Their calling is in coaching.

The path is not as straight as society would have you believe.


image via Maps to Herself

 


A strong theme I’ve set for this year is writing.

I feel the urge to write under my skin, in my bones and swirling in the tips of my fingers. Everything in my background and career history would have you think the opposite.

By profession, I’m a nutritionist, trainer and group fitness coach. Honestly, I have absolutely no desire to tell you what to eat, when to eat it or how far you need to run to burn it off.

What I was best at?

Supporting women. Holding their hands as we uncovered how they had arrived at a point that made them feel so unlovable, depressed and uninspired. Sending random notes of inspiration. Keeping up with how they felt in all areas of their lives — because it’s all inter-connected, y’know? Backing off when they’d confess they’d starved themselves through the workday, knowing there was something bigger behind it. Coaxing out the belief systems fuelling their behaviour that made them feel like shit on every conceivable level.Gently showing them that the potential for who they wanted to be was inside them all along. Handing them back their power, which they had never really lost in the first place.

My real interest is digging in. I love relating to and getting to know people through their stories. We all have stories, and embedded in them are the shiny clues I need to guide you to establishing a sense of wellness. On your terms, of course. There, nestled in my love for people lies my passion:

Gentle Guidance and Giving.

How do I get your story out of you? By telling you mine.

I have stashed away journals bursting at the seams with rushed, hand written ideas. Post-it’s strewn everywhere. Books flagged, notes dashed across their pristine pages. Half written blog posts. A book out-line.

“My words are my weapons. Yours are too. And sometimes we use them to wage mental war. Usually when soaking in self-doubt or swimming in insecurity.”


Somewhere in your past you knew the Ancient ways. This is why you find yourself being drawn by a deep seeded urge. An urge so powerful you don’t question it. Or fight it. You long for it • unknown Image via fairnes-s.tumblr.com

 


With every ‘I can’t. I don’t. I won’t. I shouldn’t. I should’ve,’ we chip away at our self-esteem, peeling off our shine.

We honour other’s requests over our own. We buy into the notion that we don’t have enough time to do anything well. We think we’re unqualified. That somebody else will probably do it better anyway. That the amazingly happy and fulfilled kindergarten teacher wasted her time with that Art degree and major in literature. (It is not a straight line.) Our dreams are wrong because they don’t fall into the standard chronology of society.

We start believing we need a PhD in everything before we can do anything at all.

Here’s what I know to be true:

Your words will either transform or terrorise you.

The next time you find yourself in a current of comparison, try these on for size:

10 actionable steps to: dissolving self-doubt

1. Reframe the game — use your words for your greater good. Your mind believes everything you tell it, so pump yourself up by plastering positive sticky notes around your work space.

2. Drop expectations – when you do something purely to get something back you kill the magic. If you hoard your best ideas your creativity dries up. Being expectant keeps you stagnant. Giving freely makes you a channel for receiving bigger and better things.

3. Detach from the outcome.  Your blog post might go viral. Your workshops could sell out. Your new book could bomb.  Whatever. Cultivate a habit of creating. Creating and serving without prediction opens you up to more potential and possibility. Let it go.

4. Remind yourself that we’re all in the same lifeboat. Even the people you idolise have shitty days.

5. Switch off often. Make it a non-negotiable. Cull social media when you’re working. (Facebook addicts, try this handy app). Turn off your phone when you’re with clients. Go outside. Disconnect to reconnect.

6. Look yourself in the eye and ask yourself this:”What am I scared of?”

– Are you scared that success might be easier than you thought?

– Are you scared of the hustle?

– Are you scared of what it means to really put yourself out there?

– Are you scared of somebody reading your work and thinking you have no idea?

– Are you scared of feeling like a fraud?

– Are you scared that you’ll have everything you ever wanted and still feel empty?

Pinpoint your fear and its power diminishes.

7. Before you start anything, get back to the heart of it.

Why is this important?

How will you feel when you make it?

How will you feel if you bomb?

How will you feel if you never even try?

8. Understand that fear is just a feeling.

“Are you paralysed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.” Steven Pressfield, The War of Art.

9. Meditate on what holds you back. Is it a person? Situation? Failure? Win?

Close your eyes. Hold whatever it is keeping your small in your mind’s eye. Notice your shoulders, drop them. Take 10 deep, cleansing breaths and with each breath imagine that person/situation/comment getting smaller until it is just a speck. Keep breathing until it disappears.

10. Change perspective.

If you normally work inside, grab a beach towel and lay on the grass outside.

Start the day by pumping your favourite song rather than checking emails.

Carve out a chunk of time and devote yourself to one task only.

My personal favourite, grab a pen and paper instead of plugging into the computer. It’s a much more liberating way to work.


Got your own little piece of wisdom to offer up?

Share away in the comments below.

Big love to you, lion heart.x

 

 

 

You Might Also Like

35 Comments

  • Reply Destin Wells October 13, 2015 at 7:35 am

    Great article!

    • Reply Cynthia October 13, 2015 at 11:37 am

      Thank you lovely!x

  • Reply Brianna George October 12, 2015 at 11:52 am

    Doubt can overwhelm. I enjoyed your tips. 🙂

    • Reply Cynthia October 12, 2015 at 3:09 pm

      Thanks Brianna.x

  • Reply Hayley Richardson February 28, 2015 at 4:38 pm

    You have such beautiful way with words Cynthia:

    “Your mental choir pipes up: ”I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t”.

    They sing louder and louder, deafening your truth. And feeling defeated you join the melancholic chorus.”

    I just love it. Thanks for sharing this gorgeous piece, and for the practical tips to balance it out so we can put them into practice 🙂 xx

    • Reply Cynthia March 2, 2015 at 10:35 am

      Thank you so much lovely lady. What a beautiful thing to say.xx

  • Reply Sharyn Holmes February 4, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    This landed right where I needed it to, thanks Cynthia! I really love that Richard Bach quote (had to tweet that one!). I’m sharing the awesomeness of this post with my friends!

    • Reply Cynthia February 4, 2015 at 2:51 pm

      Love it – so glad it found you when you needed it Sharyn. (No coincidences 😉 ) Very excited to see you’re a Desire Map facilitator. I’m still working my way through the book, radically soul-altering stuff.x

  • Reply A guide to dissolving doubt - Flourish Wellness February 4, 2015 at 7:47 am

    […] post on Dissolving Doubt last week resonated with so many of you, both here on the blog and on social […]

  • Reply Jacqueline February 3, 2015 at 8:22 pm

    Powerful words! You are wielding your weapon beautifully! I love that you gave practical tips at the end too. Another great tip might be to remind yourself of what your greatest supporters would say about you – They would usually be words to build you up, not tear you down. Remind yourself of these things so that you begin to believe them too. x

    • Reply Cynthia February 4, 2015 at 12:05 pm

      Hello lovely – thank you for your insightful and generous feedback. I’ve actually put that very suggestion into the e-workbook (aiming for launch soon). Great minds….. 😉 x

  • Reply Maxabella February 2, 2015 at 8:17 pm

    I’m scared of the hustle. And other things, but mostly the hustle. I think I’m also just a little bit scared of hard work… because success in anything is SUCH hard work and at this point in my life part of me mostly just feels like having a little lie down. x

    • Reply Cynthia February 4, 2015 at 12:03 pm

      Bron, your candour is brilliant. Remind yourself: you’re WORTH hustling for.xx

  • Reply Deb Graham January 30, 2015 at 7:34 am

    Thank you….. Needed to read this today!

    • Reply Cynthia January 30, 2015 at 8:48 am

      Hello lovely lady, glad this found you when you most needed it. Big love. C.x

  • Reply Alyce January 29, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    Thanks for the post. I love your 10 tips – it’s great to ask ourselves what we are scared. It can help us learn a lot about ourselves.

    • Reply Cynthia January 29, 2015 at 3:17 pm

      You’re welcome Alyce. The 10 tips will be available next week as a printable. Absolutely agree – bringing your fear out into the light is daunting but so powerful.xx

  • Reply claire (@thelifekitch) January 29, 2015 at 2:06 am

    Love this post it so resonates with me after just starting up my own business the fear and the I can’t do this certainly do kick in along with what will everyone think.. thanks for the tips I will be certainly using them..

    • Reply Cynthia January 29, 2015 at 9:19 am

      Congrats on kicking off your new venture Claire. You know in your bones you have what it takes, the fear is good thing. Loving the Little Lifestylers section on your webpage…great idea.xx

  • Reply Jenni Rose January 28, 2015 at 8:07 pm

    I love this post Cynthia, such helpful tools on dissolving fear. It is really resonating with me, thanks for sharing x

    • Reply Cynthia January 29, 2015 at 9:21 am

      Thank you Jenni, I’m grateful that the 10 steps have resonated with you. Big love to you.x

  • Reply Katie January 28, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    Great piece…and so relevant to us all! I can’t tell you one thing that stood out, as it all did! I want to come back to it again tomorrow, with a clearer mind, to take on board some of those wonderful tips you’ve mentioned. Hugely helpful and empowering blog! xx

    • Reply Cynthia January 29, 2015 at 9:25 am

      Katie thank you beyond words for your sincere feedback. Felt + appreciated. We all fall into the habit, the way we pull ourselves out is all that matters. Great idea to come back to the actionable steps with a clearer mindset. I’ll be turning the tips into a pdf soon for easy download + possibly a worksheet format also.xx

  • Reply Rach // In Spaces Between January 28, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    Such powerful tips babe. We ARE all in this together. Everybody doubts, hits a roadblock, feels afraid — more than we’ll ever know.

    The clincher is, at the fork in the road, which path will we choose to walk down?

    The one where fear keeps us hostage? (safe, but stuck.)

    Or the one where uncertainty makes way for revelation and evolution?

    Thank you for sharing these stunning words.. so glad your intention is ‘more writing’ in 2015. xo

    • Reply Cynthia January 28, 2015 at 2:15 pm

      Thank you Rach. So lovely to have your feedback – and yes, here’s to plenty of writing + word love.x

  • Reply lennae87 January 28, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    You nailed it! I love this post thanks for sharing 🙂

    Lennae xxx

    • Reply Cynthia January 28, 2015 at 2:16 pm

      Lennae – you’re the bomb 😉 I’m glad you loved it.xx

  • Reply Kylie January 28, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    Oh your words Cynthia are just magnificent and suck me in every time. Such beauty and inspiration right here xxxx

    • Reply Cynthia January 28, 2015 at 2:16 pm

      You are the sweetest, what a beautiful thing to say. I wholeheartedly appreciate your feedback lovely lady.xx

  • Reply Jordanna January 28, 2015 at 11:31 am

    This post really resonated with me Cynthia. Thanks of sharing x

    • Reply Cynthia January 28, 2015 at 2:17 pm

      Awesome – so glad it reached you in that way Jordanna.x

  • Reply kris472 January 28, 2015 at 11:18 am

    Wow Cynthia you’re an incredible writer, honestly this piece really made its way to my heart. So many great thoughts, such a beautiful exploration of doubt and what we’re truly capable of. Thank you for the moving post xx

    • Reply Cynthia January 28, 2015 at 2:39 pm

      Totally humbled by your feedback Kris – thank you beyond words.x

  • Reply Tracey January 28, 2015 at 10:08 am

    Love this post!! I am also a PT, group fitness instructor- yet have absolutely no interest in what people eat or how many hours a day they work out. They are missing the main point- eat and move for love & nourishment because it feels good, not for punishment or frustration. Anddd hence why I have become a coach haha! Love the 10 steps- a few that I will start applying too! Thankyou X Trace

    • Reply Cynthia January 28, 2015 at 2:40 pm

      Oh Tracey – we’re kindred spirits! So glad you ‘get’ where I’m coming from with that 😉 Love to hear how you go with those steps. Big love beautiful.xx

    Leave a Reply to Hayley Richardson Cancel reply

    %d bloggers like this: